Carlita's Camp:
Living Life and Making Things Happen


April 2014

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I Think I Cleared Out All the Suckas...

So please check out the new page!

New Blog Y'all!

Aloha Campers,

I hope you all have found my new Blog because we're off to a great start over there spreading love & positivity for the New Year as I continue to strive for the "perfect" me.

And if you haven't found the new site inbox me: and I'll gladly send you the link. I can't post it here because I just don't want those racists from that wretched group to find me. I'm actually in no mood to cuss a fool out anymore. YAY

Happy New Year and I'll see you "Friends" over at the new Blog.

Figured I'd Go Out With a Bang Part 2

So Campers I've decided I am not finishing this NEGATIVE dumb ass blog. Fuck them all. Facebook will not change so not to promote such idiocy and those ignorant "creepy ass kracka's" are too sick to waste my vast vocabulary on because after reading more posts from that dumb ass group I realized these are a band of physically ugly sick individuals who appear to be the most miserable troglodytes on Earth because look, they even in-fight. And we all know ~ there is NO changing crazy.

So Campers (soon to be Friends) if you want to have some fun join me on my other URL because 2014 is about me and mine not some poor savages like these dummies.

Camp is Closed!

Figured I'd Go Out With a Bang Part 1

Aloha Campers! I know its been a loonng time since we've gathered 'round the ole camp fire drinking wine, burning trees, enjoying the island breeze and laughing about  the Internet's crayzee's; however in honor of Carlita's Camp permanently closing it's gates sooner than later I've decided to go out probably the same way that I came in - with a fucking bang. So let's start with the many disclaimers this Blog is gonna need so that I do not alienate my many Campers, Friends, Loved Ones, Future Loved Ones & Fans.


**I am NO hater. I don't hate any race or culture or ethnicity or however you refer to the differences that separate us as a people via our hair texture, skin color or anatomy size. But I can be a wicked ass bitch too...

**I despise assholes and asshole shit. So I address it - usually attack it  - but you already know...

**This Blog contains graphic nudity (the story cannot be told without it), disturbing images (some people are mad fugly), disgusting language (they love to spew racial insults), and a bevy of the dumbest mostly foreign but a few domestic mutha fuckas in all of history (the entire lot of them).

**You must be the most vile people in all of creation if I went out of my way to make you hate me.

***Side Note: PLEASE if you're going to comment PLEASE comment on this Blog not my personal Social Network pages. Because these savages can't see your laughter, hate, or indifference on them. (& yes I know it's sort of a pain but it'll certainly lend to the fact that it is them and not me if they see your reactions).

So Campers now that those little things are out of the way, let us begin.

Once upon a time there was a witty, intelligent, pretty hot fun loving Chica (that'd be me) who talked much shit but backed it up via her many hilarious actions, her fun loving adventurous lifestyle, and her many silly (usually taken out of context) comments on the Social Networks. So one day when a "friend" added her to the Facebook group War of the Races 2 she figured it to be a fun loving group making light of all the stereotypes MOrons believe about the many different cultures that populate the World. However, after 5 minutes of reading the wall of this vile ass group of troglodytes on Facebook she quickly realized this group was no joke at all. This disgusting group was created by some insane creepy ass white person and thoroughly supported by Facebook and its administrators to randomly attack anyone of another culture that they didn't like simply based on the color of their skin. And your counselor being your counselor, was instantly intrigued because she'd hoped to peer into the minds of losers (Y'all know your counselor loves her some weirdo's) which she did. Behold a tiny sample of what the wall of WOTR 2 looks like all the time.                      


However, like most sane love filled people with an awesome sense of humor and not alotta time on their hands your counselor quickly became bored with reading the dozens of fake profiles, evil memes, lack of creative racial attacks, blatant lies, self hate and incessant projecting she did what any bored person would do, she joined in. But not wanting to leave her comedic mark on any ole racist post she carefully scrolled the wall and finally and after an extensive search she found a post she could have a good time with. The title of the post was an old favorite she'd participated in, in other groups she had once belonged to called "Smash or Pass" and when usually played the picture is of someone that normally isn't everyone's type but they do catch for whatever reason, however this War of the Races 2 (And it was posted by a white person - more on that down Blog) installment looked like this:

**Notice the little baby in the picture & notice how I clicked "like" on the dude Jake D. Parsons who was the 1st to comment enthusiastically & typed "SMASH"

So your counselor is not nearly as uncomfortable with the image starring at her in the face (because she has one of her own -mind you she doesn't put it on display like the girl from the group War of the Races 2 did for all to see but she certainly isn't uncomfortable by seeing it. She actually finds it Hilarious and used this very image every chance she got - 47 times before she got banned from Facebook for 18 hours but I'm speeding WAY ahead therefore I digress) as most of you may be right now she quickly scrolled down to start in with the roasting or make a comment if you will. But before your counselor could giggle and receive her kudos (likes) for having the funniest comment in the thread she was quickly attacked by the same horny dude who proudly made the 1st comment stating "SMASH." So being the warrior princess that your counselor is she quickly retorted and the real war of the races began...

And since the shots were fired and Jake was so "Butthurt" as the Innertz seem to be labeling everyone as of late your counselor suddenly found herself under attack by 1 sick ass troglodyte after another.

**Now Campers, this is the part of the Blog I'm not sure how to present because there is such a randy cast of characters that take unsolicited corny ass jabs at your counselor that its sort of hard to continue if you do not know who is who. So what I'll do is pause the narrative and introduce you to the people who made this Blog possible by revealing their Facebook oops might I say Fakebook ID's and real portraits. 

And since Jake was the 1st person to attack and yeah yeah he's all hidden behind his "symbol" that didn't stop me from enlisting the help of a friend of mine who just happens to be an awesome IT guy so after a little bit of work because Jake's personal page is locked down pretty tight my IT guy was able to do something with the IP address most of Jakes messages were derived. And low and behold after getting inside Jake's account your counselor quickly saved this picture of him from last summer while he was chillaxing in his native Ireland under the limited sun.


And because Jake is a big fat load who cannot fight his own battles he inboxed a few friends who you'll see in the forth coming images and comments but to give you an idea of who your counselor was  embattled with I'll post the real them so you'll completely overstand what has happened here.

This is Kelly Jay the tough girl from Scotland (she was easier to locate than Jake because she at least put her towns name on her profile) and she LOVES to call people "nigger" and assume we're jealous of her HILARIOUS although she went out of her way to garner Black features. Behold the lips she bought 30 years ago and how they've over taken her now. Age is a real mutha ---for ya...


Then there's Melody Duggins who was constantly claiming she was single and waiting on a husband for some lovin', but after finally gaining access to her account your counselor and the IT guy found this:

Melody and her pup enthralled in coitus. Come to find out Melody is the President of an exclusive group of Victoria Secret's sales clerks who are Caninphiles so they refers to themselves as "Ka-Niners" ---your counselor has no idea of what it means maybe if the dog's head was pointed South - ih well as previously stated your counselor has no idea of what it is...

And another random hag that attacked your counselor in some language not remotely close to English (but thought she'd put your counselor in her place) was Roxy Leigh Isted the Hooker whom I can't really comment about because ho's gotta earn too..


You know what Campers? I need to stop - I can feel me just being mean and skipping the meat of this horrid yet soon to be hilarious tale. Because this story is actually a saga so I think for sanity's sake I'm gonna end here---- for now - sorry no witty jokes or funny facts or hints of what's to soon come but I think this tale is better told in chunks because much like one of my travel blogs a story can't properly be told if there are so many elements and the word count exceeds people patience. Therefore until tomorrow or Monday (I promise) Enjoy the wine & trees....

Always & Still the Most Popular Chica in the Room!

Aloha! Yes I'm still around just making new fans and keeping it real. These are my new besties (Stalkers) from across the pond.

Notice how they are SO jealous. Hilarious, stay tuned Campers I have the Blog of the CENTURY - Thanks Frenemies!

Rolling up my Tent - Sooner Than Later...

Aloha Campers!!! I'm just touching base to say it's been fun but I gotta run! I am rolling up the old tent and calling it quits for Carlita's Camp. No specific reasons but let's just say ALL BAD THINGS COME TO A SCREECHING END especially when the time proves to be an enemy - not to mention just the worst luck ever - but NO matter things will change as they always do. Now back to plotting planning scheming and surviving, but at least you can see I survive with the best of them. Remember to enjoy the wine & trees as I'll always enjoy the ocean's breeze... See you all on the other side!!!

I Don't Care What You Think of Me, I Wannabe a Trophy Wife!!!


So some of you may be thinking, "This Chica is crazy, she is not on the World Wide Web telling folks she no longer wants to be responsible for paying her own bills and that she wants a (well paid) husband to do it for her." But believe me Campers, I'm not crazy. Far from it. What I am, is tired and in need of a (well paid) husband who cannot only take care of himself in fine manner, but also be willing and ABLE to carry my (and to be totally honest with you), very light load and still afford us the fine lifestyle he is accustomed. Because quite frankly I'm sick of working - for "Da Man" at least. And not because I dislike my job *so much* but because I had such a bomb ass time this past weekend, I feel as if I'm wasting my time working for Da Man.

Ya see, over the weekend I was only able to fit in but a few of my most favorite activities because 2 days off of work simply isn't enough time off. My weekend started off with a bang, I rented a car and headed to the other side of the island to Kailua Kona to party with friends. And during that drive I was able to really take it all in, my present experiences, my past experiences and where and how I wanted my future experiences to be. And during all of that brain bending thought each time I returned to the same conclusion: I don't wanna fucking work (for Da Man) anymore. But in order to live the lifestyle of the many ladies I came into contact with over this past weekend, I like them, must find the ideal man who loves me for all of the bomb ass reasons you love a woman who doesn't wanna sign in on a time sheet nor be responsible for keeping the lights on, the food on the table, the clothes on our backs or any other of those boring time consuming activities that one must perform to keep life progressing in a mentally healthy (for me anyway) and safe manner.

During my weekend I was able to chill in a huge beautiful house situated right on the ocean large enough for me to do what I want to do, as well as perfectly fulfilling my future "Winning" husband's desires. It had 5 gorgeous bedrooms each with King sized beds, there was a pool, a jacuzzi and 4 of the 6 bathrooms had steam showers, a 3 car garage and all of the rest of the accoutrement for a house of that size on the ocean. Now mind you Campers I don't need all of that - sure the ocean views would be perfect, but honestly 5 bedrooms is a bit much. I'll say 4 and probably more realistically 3 so long as you people promise to stay in hotels before you visit...

Anyhoo, I feel like I'm straying off topic - which I tend to do if you're new to my camp. So getting back to it, I wannabe a Trophy Wife. I feel like there is some handsome worldly established man out there who deserves me. I'm smart. I've done all the right things. I don't have a string of past stalkers exes or any communicable diseases. My only debt is my school debt which I'll gladly pay if my future Winning husband feels I need to have some sort of financial responsibility, which leads me to say I've completed my education obtaining a Masters degree from one of the best educational institutions in the country. And even when dealing with a nonworking out "chunkier" Carlita I'm still pretty fuckin' hot. Side Note: No Vanity Intended. Sure I like nice things  **ClosetedDesignerClothes/ShoeWhore** but for those of you who know me, you know that I know how to shop on a budget; because in the end I prefer experiences over "so many" over-priced things. And doing a variety of different stuff is the best way to get the types of experiences I desire.

Plus I'm a great cook who enjoys cooking EVERYTHING from scratch. I love sex. And I'm all about sustainable living and growing my own organic crops and raising my own food. However, on the down side I'm not into washing dishes or doing laundry; but fuck it, nobody wants to marry a pig so I'll do what I have to do. As for major cleaning - hum? Well that's something we'd have to discuss, because as much as I'll keep it clean, as a Trophy Wife I honestly don't believe "major cleaning" is a part of the Trophy Wife "life choice" description. But no worries in my home if Miss Hilda is off that day my future Winning Husband would never sleep in any type of mess...

So here's what I'm looking for: A man 40 to 60. I wanna say any race weight and height, but let's be real I am Carlita Campos and I have my preferences - like so many of us do. Therefore no fatties or religious fanatics, lazies or sports fanatics. I desire a doer not a watcher a lively man not a waiting for the after life man... Also my future husband must be able to pay all the bills on time - from the on start of our engagement until the end of our lives. He must also consistently supply me with nice tokens of his affection. Now let's be clear on what a "token" of affection is. It does NOT have to be "completely" tangible. It can be a loving gesture, kind words, flowers from our garden, or just anything to let me know that he is overjoyed that he is the Winner of me. *Side Note: I do like jewels.

Also my future Winning Husband must enjoy travel. I like to go to many places so he must like too as well. He can and honestly, should have his own hobbies and friends. Because as much time as I'd like for my future Winning Husband  to be able to spend with me, I enjoy my privacy and sometimes I just wanna veg out with my laptop and write. Another vital trait my future Winning Husband must possess is patience, along with the ability to decipher then ignore my bullshit, because sometimes I rant. He must also not take it personally (this is not a learned trait - it must be instant) unless I directly direct my rant towards him. Which as a future awesome Trophy Wife I'd never rant or insult my future Winning Husband because if he's smart enough to have won me than I'm certainly smart enough to not bitch or moan at him. Because ask yourself,  "Why would Carlita have reason 1 to bitch if her bills were paid, she lived in a house with a man she adores and she is able to invest 100% of herself into the things that truly matter to her?" To answer that, I'd LOVE that life and bitching about stuff that doesn't affect me would be silly. So if you or any of you know anyone who is down to win this prize I call Me, hit me up because I am officially taking applications.

And listen, a word to the unwise, I am no longer in the business of dating Glamour Boyz. If you are all head and no shoulders politely deuce yourself out of the running because the point of this post is to announce: I'm ready for my Retirement Package Mr. Lover Man!!! And to reiterate, I don't care what you think of me...

With that Campers I'm putting this fire out until our next go 'round. So until then enjoy the wine, the ocean breeze and as always the trees... Oh yeah a man who likes trees is a must too!!

And then...

Aloha Campers! As most of you already know, Chica (Your Counselor) is a Rolling Stone, however I'm not sure if you know exactly how one of Carlita's Camp's epic adventures begins or ends. But instead of boring you with a lot of silly written facts about how I make the magic happen every time I set out on an adventure I've decided to share last weekends Epicocity via pictures. **And some words, I mean I am the "author" of this drivel...


So Friday I ended my work week being treated to some pretty cool artwork - as done by some kids I know in the neighborhood. *Shh* - remember I'm not ever talking about work so I will neither confirm or deny that could potentially be one of the kids I happen to know attends a school veryclosetomethatpaysme...

And then I went home to water my still alive very expensive birthday Vanda Orchid and pack my bag for the start of my  weekend which I was spending away from the soggy Puna District where I survive headed to the other side of the island where it's sunny and warm - Kona!


And then after packing my bags I made my way to Hilo and the Post Office to get to my mail. (I did mention rural living is inconvenient right?)


And then before the drive to Kona some Thai.


And then finally on the road I'm enjoying my view...


And then I arrived in Kona and had the opportunity to check out the booty I acquired at the Post Office.


And then I was treated to a little music...


And then I remember waking up and looking like this... 


And feeling like that... 


And then after finally pouring myself out of the bed I found the culprit(s) that now makes it so that my Blog is lacking vital details of my prior evening...


And then I "found" those. Whatever...


And then I just headed to the beach because I didn't even wanna deal with the issue of my "findings"...  

And then because I was feelin' some kinda way from the previous night's  (debauchery?)  I decided to chill for a while, take in the sights and play in the sand with my feet.


And then because I was finally feeling better after hours of literally doing nothing I decided to take a walk and check out the rest of the beach. **And then you can see exactly what I saw when you click the link: What I saw... 


And then after a day at the beach of doing absolutely nothing I made it back just in time to catch this...


And then I quickly got showered and changed and went out to the waterfront in Kona to watch a fun little band: The Don't Sit Down Band.


And then after an evening of not drinking and jamming with the band, I went to sleep and woke up the next morning preparing for my return to Puna. But not without a quick detour to the beach to finally swim after weeks of being afraid to get in the water. **Another Blog; but you did see the WaxVac right? OK OK another Blog...

So for those of you who thought I meant a life of fancy parties on yachts, drinking champagne, and eating caviar was what made my adventures so epic - nope. I prefer the simple life of a beach bum, enjoying the world as it comes, while making every moment matter (sorta at least). Epic huh? H-E-Double Hockey Sticks it's Epic! And it's my life and that's how I'm living it. And with that Campers I'm done, so remember enjoy the wine, the ocean breeze and always the trees because everyday you don't have to be busy little bees..

The First 30 Blog Titles of the New Carlita’s Camp

Aloha Campers! First, before I get started allow me to type FUCKIN’ FINALLY! I’m Fuckin’ Finally posting on this Blog. Yes I’m back at it - making life happen and telling the stories that fueled it.

So Campers and new people AKA soon-to-be Campers to recap, when we last camped out I was giving you my 90 Day Bitch, which for those of you who are new to camp, were the first 90 days of what turned out to be one of the most prolific times in my life. An experience I can’t wait to share over the next few months as I get back to Blogging about me, my life, and anything else I feel like talking about or sharing. But since this is the second term inauguration of I've decided to start the session off with 1 of my infamous lists. Because as I always say, the easiest way to get out some vital information in the shortest version is to compile a list. Therefore without further ado I present to you, “The First 30 Blog Titles of the New Carlita’s Camp.”

Now mind you, these aren’t in any certain order and frankly they’re quite subject to change. Because who knows, I might not be feelin’ that tale at any moment.

1. Shit I Wanted to Write About but Ain’t Have No Blog.

2. What Must My Romantic Life Be Like If the Most Interesting Person I’ve Met in Years Is the Result of a 1 Night Stand?

3. Don’t Ask Me About My Job, because I Refuse to Discuss It.

4. As I Was Saying…

5. “Straighten Tongue or Free Yourself From Presence…!!!”

6. Shyte Ignant Random MoFo’s Do to Piss Me Off…

7. Why Are So Many Computer Geeks Douche Bags?

8. Hawaii is a Wonderful Place

9. Tales From Chronic History

10. Flat the Fuck Out: The Post Offic Should Keep the Same Hours Nation Wide

11. 2012 Was Out of Control

12. Hazy Shades

13. The Sky is Bluer in Spain

14. Wondering Should I do a “redo” on my Facebook “Friends” List…

15. The Random Tale

16. Weird Fakebook Dudes Still Trying to Get On

17. I wanna Be so Famous My Family & I Communicate Via the Newspaper

18. The “If Florida is Where Blue Hairs Go to Die, than Hawaii is Where They Come to Rot” or “Fucking A, Will You Vulgarians Take a Bath Before Coming Out in Public?” Blog

19. Ahhh, The Inconvenience of Rural Living

20. I Miss My Rife.

21. Don’t Hate/No Hate, but Why Do Most of the Black Chicks on Major Network Popular TV Shows have Bad Hair?

22. Blogs I wanna Write but Haven’t Been Living EX: Revenge is the Best Revenge

23. My Favorite Part of Friday Nights is All the Gay Sex on TV.

24. People in Hawaii Love Their Mutts

25. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I Can Be a Dummy Too…

26. I Think I might Sleep Around

27. Is Trust a 4 Letter Word?

28. Beware of Busters, They Still Be a Lurkin’

29. Is It Me or Are You Getting Old?

30. The “I Think You’re a Pretentious Prick if You Assemble a ‘How To Find Your Soul Mate’ Book and You have Never had One’ or ‘FYI: It’s Not Writing if You Assemble OTHER People’s Research and Words.” Blog

Anyhoo Campers, that’s my list and I’ma try to stick to it. But if I don’t - such is life. Always remember, shit changes daily and people change by the minute. Needless to say, I’ve Changed… Therefore nothing is guaranteed except for the fact that I will write something, about something and I can’t wait to share with you. So tell your friends and family that Carlita’s Camp is back in session and I’m so looking forward to chopping it up and enjoying the wine, the ocean breeze, and as always the trees….

It's My Birthday and I'm Back!

Aloha Campers, I'm BACK, Yay!! And whew, it's been a long time, but since it's my birthday what better gift to give to myself than a new blog filled with all new Carlita's Camp adventures. So Campers, grab your marshmallows, chocolate, wine and trees and get ready because trust me it's gonna be 1 hellava trip!